I am being spammed into the stratosphere.

First up is discounted Viagra. It would appear nothing escapes the January sales.

In at number two are the various ways to enlarge one’s penis. There are no words.

And finally, my personal favourite: the clunky seduction attempts of the latest batch of fresh-off-the-boat Svetlanas. In their discordant, broken English they make a daily bid to lure me into bankruptcy with smutty web chat and promises of girl-on-girl rudity. Devils, get thee gone.

Although my current hit rate might tell you otherwise, I fall firmly into a demographic unburdened by the bedroom dysfunction/dubious proclivities which these prurient messages claim to rectify/satiate.

So why the fuck is my Spam folder such a busy thoroughfare for this dross? Don’t they market research? Or maybe that’s the whole point of spamming; scatter gun it and eventually the laws of probability will out.

I say simply this:

Spammers of Great Britain and beyond: Know your audience.