In Which I Turn To Thoughts Of Small People
In the 26 and three quarter years I have trodden God’s green Earth, it’s been quite plain that my maternal streak may need a little coaxing from its hiding place.
Children are like farts: you love your own (yes, you do!) but other people’s? No ta.
I’d love to have kiddies with The German. He would be a top drawer Dad, truly wonderful (and he’d look right gorgeous with a small one in those strap-them-to-your-chest sling affairs). In fact, if it weren’t for him, I would actively dismiss my part in procreation as utter bobbins and waste no more time thinking about it.
Despite nurturing these tiny thought-foetuses regarding Teutonic-influenced nesting, they live in a dim and distant land called Early to Mid Thirties. So you can imagine my overwhelming shock when my ovaries started to gently hum the day before yesterday.
I was in the GP waiting room. A woman sat down in front of me and extracted from an industrial sized pram, one of the most gorgeous babies I have ever clapped eyes on. I went all like a marshmallow for a bit, which being the first time this has ever happened, made me feel a little odd.
Thankfully it passed reasonably rapidly, but I needn’t have worried even if it hadn’t. The reason? Misssy M Misssives and her triumphant blog post describing what childbirth is really like, in all its glorious Hammer horror technicolour.
This good and truthful woman not only made me roar with laughter, but she has also silenced my ovaries. They can start jigging about again in 2013.
And not a moment sooner.
6 Comments so far
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Oh, I’m so with you. I get horrified looks from all and sundry when I say that kids don’t do it for me. Thankfully my ovaries haven’t started to tick yet, although I don’t think I’ll be reading that post: We Need to Talk About Kevin did all that needed to be done in terms of putting me off children.
By Hannah on 06.03.08 6:33 pm
I hear ya. I had to stop halfway through that book to compose my troubled thoughts. We Need To Talk About Kevin resonated deeply… although I have no intention of raising psychopathic serial killers IF I pop out sprogs.
By LadyShambles on 06.03.08 7:41 pm
I have my own horror stories, but childbirth really was not that bad. As long as you understand that the anesthesiologist is your friend. (So is spell-check apparently)
My ovaries took it upon themselves to do their job completely of their own volition. Ok, not completely on their own, I really do know where babies come from. I wasn’t planning to be a mother at 20, but I wasn’t taking any action to prevent it either. I probably never would have done it if I had waited to be ready though. Now when I get the little twitter, I just look at my beautiful son. Then I remember that he will be legally an adult in just 9 more years. Then Daddy and I can act like teenagers again. That’s way more appealing than diapers and spittle.
In general, I don’t like children. I feel like I won the lottery by giving birth to one so cool. I just don’t want to tempt fate by trying again.
By Jennifer on 06.03.08 7:51 pm
Hey, Ladyshambles. I’m like a bat.. I sense stuff and I’m on it..like, well…a bat. Thanks for reading my post and namechecking me. I feel all happy.
Don’t be put off the child bearing thing. Once the bearing is over, it’s actually quite a good idea all round!
By misssym on 06.03.08 10:10 pm
Well, I think there’s a general consensus here from the ladies what have offspring, that this is a good and wonderful thing. So, if I just get through the birth bit I’ll be alright? Ok. Mainline me the drugs people, and I’m all over it. (And if they don’t give me the drugs, The German has promised he will purloin me a batch from far more dubious sources than the hospital pharmacy. Gotta love that man.)
By LadyShambles on 07.03.08 7:18 am
I’m still undecided on the whole issue, but being 35 in a few motnhs I’m kiding of hoping the whole thing will just pass me by without me having to make a decision…
(i read that book too, it was like a car crash, i didnt want to look, but I couldnt look away)
By Kirses on 07.03.08 10:33 am
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