Following on from my previous panic…

Tomorrow the great abyss of unemployment starts. And so, in true fighting spirit, the solace of lunchtime binge drinking also begins.

I’m going to start off on a gin and tonic around 11am, then move onto a crisp white wine (perhaps a chilled Pinot) by 1pm. Then after that I’m sure a glass of fruity Merlot wouldn’t go amiss, before a strident march towards a large coffee accompanied by a port or three.

After this I may need a snooze, but I’ll set the alarm and crack straight on with a refreshing cider, before hitting the vodka and soda (with fresh lime squeezed in, not that cordial shit), before vomiting with gusto and starting all over again the following morning.

The question is how long until I’m skint, drinking dirty double strength lagers and weeing myself?

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Give it a week.

Welcome to unemployment!

Welcome to my world - which sadly includes far less binge drinking than i had anticipated…

You mean you’re not skint, drinking dirty double-strength lager and weeing yourself? Christ, time to readjust my mental image of you.

Give it time, you may not need to adjust anything yet…

I went to a cider festival in Wales this weekend to celebrate being a waster. I went because it was cheap. I drank cider and smoked weed like it was going out of fashion and I got so wasted on Saturday night that I didn’t go to sleep until 8am. I spent hours chatting gubbins to the bassist of one of the bands and he very nearly persuaded me to shave myself in an undercut.

However, I did not wee myself. Although given the state of the portaloos on Sunday lunchtime, it was a very close thing.



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